Something about the chapters where they abruptly take off into the castle, meet his long-lost relative, he almost dies -- As I said before, it seemed to be a bit fast, plus it felt really unlikely Jack would go along with it all.
You've NAILED it for these last 3 chapters. His hesitancy, the pace, all of it (for me personally). This is exactly what I would expect from him, and it's also nice how Gillian switches up when she feels slighted.
So ironically the critique is that this chapter is great, but it's making me realize how I felt about some of the others.
Haha yes! It’s been a constant critique throughout that Jack hasn’t been enough of a real person. But now that he’s acting mostly how a normal, sane and rational human being would…. Everyone (except you apparently 🫶 ) hates him 😅 but
I guess if I establish his agency earlier, it won’t be so sudden and distasteful lol
Yeah that's probably why -- Gillian would have less ground to stand on as well, if Jack had been more questioning. It would likely force her to lie more, which sets us up to be on Jack's side.
I don't think he'll have a side (he'll be dead already. We have too many people out to get him. He really needs to get his act together if living is a requirement)
So proud of Gill. And I like that she turned away and left him there. Now I hope she'll have the best girls heist trip mission vacay with Phi. And maybe find a better guy than Jack 👍
YES! TELL HIM, GILL!!! (And maybe throw in a couple punches too for good measure) I love Alban and Phi!!! They completely got me with the haunted cannoli too 😂 THIS IS SUCH FUN i hope it never ends ❤️
I noticed when he stopped calling her Gill. Glad to see that heresy confronted.
Only note: Jack said he’d do anything to save Alice. Sure, she’s his ancestor, but he thought she was a crazy old lady he knew for 5 minutes. I’m not sure where the sudden conviction came from.
“You spent all this time trying to get to know me. Pretending to be my friend and forcing us to have these deep, meaningful conversations like you cared. You gave me a nickname like I meant something to you.” Her words were sharp, like daggers into his chest. “And at the first sign of something uncomfortable– something you didn’t like– you’re back-pedaling. Acting like this was nothing.”
Honestly this might be my favorite chapter yet. You handle Gillian's emotional depth in a believable heartbreaking way. I am really enjoying it.
I love it!! Using the same picture helps me readily identify when a new chapter is posted or the topic of the post, so I'm less likely to ignore a post. 😂 Also seeing uour thumbnail for this story 24/7 is what finally made me go, I need to read this already!
“Stop. Calling. Me. Gillian.”
Oh, Gill! 🥺
Get your shit together, Jack.
🥺🥺
I love your writing, as always. A critique:
Something about the chapters where they abruptly take off into the castle, meet his long-lost relative, he almost dies -- As I said before, it seemed to be a bit fast, plus it felt really unlikely Jack would go along with it all.
You've NAILED it for these last 3 chapters. His hesitancy, the pace, all of it (for me personally). This is exactly what I would expect from him, and it's also nice how Gillian switches up when she feels slighted.
So ironically the critique is that this chapter is great, but it's making me realize how I felt about some of the others.
Haha yes! It’s been a constant critique throughout that Jack hasn’t been enough of a real person. But now that he’s acting mostly how a normal, sane and rational human being would…. Everyone (except you apparently 🫶 ) hates him 😅 but
I guess if I establish his agency earlier, it won’t be so sudden and distasteful lol
Yeah that's probably why -- Gillian would have less ground to stand on as well, if Jack had been more questioning. It would likely force her to lie more, which sets us up to be on Jack's side.
Yes! Ugh I guess I will need to put a lot of thought into draft 2 🫠
Mkay so love Gill, love Phi and Alban, but I am going to murder Jack myself if he doesn’t get it together.
🥺 soooo if he stakes Gillian you’re not going to be on his side? 👉👈
I don't think he'll have a side (he'll be dead already. We have too many people out to get him. He really needs to get his act together if living is a requirement)
Lmaooo
If?? We're still giving him a chance?? We can't go murder him already? (Pretty please let's go murder him already)
Ok ok the vampire king will take care of it
he's a good king
Hahahahahaha
Don’t you dare-
So proud of Gill. And I like that she turned away and left him there. Now I hope she'll have the best girls heist trip mission vacay with Phi. And maybe find a better guy than Jack 👍
💀
She’s going home to marry one of her vampire friends 😌
She better be 🙃
I wasn’t expecting to care this much about a haunted cannoli joke and a vampire’s broken heart in the same chapter, but here I am.
😂😂😂 love this
Ok, you got me with the cannoli too, but no way I'm skipping dessert.
And Jack, he'd better practice like crazy and get it together. Getting better at magic would be good too.
Hahahaha Jack is just a simple researcher. You can’t expect him to know how to act around a pretty girl or um magic
Right?? I'd eat extra dessert as revenge. Or actually curse one.
Maybe even curse myself, and eat all of the dessert
Win-win?
another good idea
Right?? I'd eat extra dessert as revenge. Or actually curse one.
Ngl the haunted cannoli sounds really delicious
it does. like imagine eating a haunt
you'd get lifelong access to the cool kids table
💀
YES! TELL HIM, GILL!!! (And maybe throw in a couple punches too for good measure) I love Alban and Phi!!! They completely got me with the haunted cannoli too 😂 THIS IS SUCH FUN i hope it never ends ❤️
i meant the story. not Jack being a doofus.
Hahahahhaa oh you want Jack to be a jerk forever? If you insist 😌
I wouldn't mind that honestly, because then I'd have a court-arguable reason for murder. Gill deserves tons better 😤
Omg hahaha I am dying
Convict vampire 😂
I noticed when he stopped calling her Gill. Glad to see that heresy confronted.
Only note: Jack said he’d do anything to save Alice. Sure, she’s his ancestor, but he thought she was a crazy old lady he knew for 5 minutes. I’m not sure where the sudden conviction came from.
Oh that’s a great point. I’ll think about how to make it more believable in edits 🤔
“You spent all this time trying to get to know me. Pretending to be my friend and forcing us to have these deep, meaningful conversations like you cared. You gave me a nickname like I meant something to you.” Her words were sharp, like daggers into his chest. “And at the first sign of something uncomfortable– something you didn’t like– you’re back-pedaling. Acting like this was nothing.”
Honestly this might be my favorite chapter yet. You handle Gillian's emotional depth in a believable heartbreaking way. I am really enjoying it.
Thank you so much for saying that! Sometimes I feel like I domt know how normal humans act haha
Well, Gill isn't human so that works in your favor then lol. Normal is overrated.
Absolutely true
Every time he called her Gillian my heart sunk a bit more, I'm glad she has said something.
I’m so glad you noticed 😭 it made me sad writing it lol (also somehow missed this notification, sorry!)
I haven't started reading yet, but I wanted to say I love your thumbail for the story. It's just really nice and eye-catching! 😊
Oh my gosh thank you! I am slightly jealous of everyone who finds a new picture for every post. I’m afraid the extent of my creativity is this 🥲
I love it!! Using the same picture helps me readily identify when a new chapter is posted or the topic of the post, so I'm less likely to ignore a post. 😂 Also seeing uour thumbnail for this story 24/7 is what finally made me go, I need to read this already!
I love that! I hope you like it 🥺💚