I loved this so much! With how muted my weekend was, this was just the pick-me-up comfort read I needed
Thank you so much!
My Latin is super dusty and not useful but I’m not sure the sentence is saying what you want it to say (which isn’t criticism because this is a first draft and those are only to wrestle the story on paper, so don’t sweat it! I can also be wrong because it’s been almost over a decade)
I am thrilled to meet another character. Feeling Gillian a bit, things seem to get to her right now, poor thing, but Jacks obliviousness is to die for.
I’m starting to have assumptions since Phi shared some past knowledge about the witch and what happened so… yeah intrigued!
My feedback is that Alban, who ostensibly is rather old, different, elf, etc, seems to act somewhat normal. Knowing Latin and all that history is different, sure, but if he has almost 1,000 years on Jack, I want more subtle hints about *why* he would bother to help. Some significantly different phrasing to how he speaks would help too.
You nail the difference with the gnome, so I think you just need some of that with Alban too.
Only note is that if you are going to use Latin, you need to find a more reliable method of translation. Google Translate (which I am assuming is what you used) gets a lot of the roots correct but the endings, words, and positionings wrong. For instance, your first sentence roughly translates to include a reference to a city (urbis) but no city makes an appearance in the translation.
Latin is definitely a finicky language. The majority of your readers will not care, but a few may be able to translate a bit, so you want to make sure it is as accurate as possible.
So I really love latin, however I fail at it in every direction. I have found, if you are going to use translate help, GPT may be useful.
In my work chat, some of my friends and I tease each other in latin. And I have noticed when my friend uses google translate there is a lot missing in terms of context and google translate translating too literally.
An example is (and don't question it), I want to say "we must leave the swine to their folly."
Google Translate gives me : Nobis relinquere porcos ad suas stultitias debemus. Which can translate to "We ought to leave the pigs to their own foolishness."
Which is fine, but not what I am going for. I need something more poetic, more cutting. I ended up with "Sues stultitiae suae relinquamus" with is "Let us leave the swine to their own folly."
Which is a lot closer, and it gave me other options as well. I am not like a huge AI person, but it is a cool tool as long as you cross reference. Sorry that it was a lot!
Yeah, Google Translate misses declension specifics and word arrangements quite often. I wish I had a better tool or resource to recommend, but there are very few I have come across that are accurate. Of course, all of that is technical stuff, I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you plan to use Latin frequently, or if you plan to one day publish.
Also, I want to see more character specifics and patterns for Alban! (please)
I’ve gotten a few comments about albans lack of personality… need to work on it becuase I do have a specific vision in my head that just isn’t translating (lol)
both alban and philomena seem like such interesting characters and i really want to know more about them! (especially that whole alice backstory... i'm SO intrigued) and just a suggestion, but maybe you could also add in some flashbacks to gillian's past? the vampire king sounds evil from all the stories they tell amongst themselves, but he feels like such a faraway person, you know? maybe you could take us into gillian's memories and *show* us his wickedness?
but again! just a thought. i'm still completely in love with the story as is <3
thanks so much for your feedback!! I actually just wrote a little flash back in chapter 11, but it might be worth adding in some details earlier. I'm trying to balance cozy vibes with the horrors of this guy everyone is scared of lol.. i'll be thinking about your feedback! thanks!
I loved this so much! With how muted my weekend was, this was just the pick-me-up comfort read I needed
Thank you so much!
My Latin is super dusty and not useful but I’m not sure the sentence is saying what you want it to say (which isn’t criticism because this is a first draft and those are only to wrestle the story on paper, so don’t sweat it! I can also be wrong because it’s been almost over a decade)
I am thrilled to meet another character. Feeling Gillian a bit, things seem to get to her right now, poor thing, but Jacks obliviousness is to die for.
I’m starting to have assumptions since Phi shared some past knowledge about the witch and what happened so… yeah intrigued!
Can’t wait to learn more!
Thanks! I will need to find someone who actually knows Latin to help! 🫣
I’m here to become a better writer — please give me any and all feedback you have on my story or writing. Thank you in advance! 💚
I love this series so much
My feedback is that Alban, who ostensibly is rather old, different, elf, etc, seems to act somewhat normal. Knowing Latin and all that history is different, sure, but if he has almost 1,000 years on Jack, I want more subtle hints about *why* he would bother to help. Some significantly different phrasing to how he speaks would help too.
You nail the difference with the gnome, so I think you just need some of that with Alban too.
Anyways I am loving this!!
Thanks for the feedback! I need to channel my inner Gandalf 😅
Jack is like Bilbo in this hahaha. No idea a grand adventure may soon sweep him away
Accurate 😂😂
Love this!
Only note is that if you are going to use Latin, you need to find a more reliable method of translation. Google Translate (which I am assuming is what you used) gets a lot of the roots correct but the endings, words, and positionings wrong. For instance, your first sentence roughly translates to include a reference to a city (urbis) but no city makes an appearance in the translation.
Latin is definitely a finicky language. The majority of your readers will not care, but a few may be able to translate a bit, so you want to make sure it is as accurate as possible.
Thank you!!! I did in fact use google translate lol 🤦♀️
So I really love latin, however I fail at it in every direction. I have found, if you are going to use translate help, GPT may be useful.
In my work chat, some of my friends and I tease each other in latin. And I have noticed when my friend uses google translate there is a lot missing in terms of context and google translate translating too literally.
An example is (and don't question it), I want to say "we must leave the swine to their folly."
Google Translate gives me : Nobis relinquere porcos ad suas stultitias debemus. Which can translate to "We ought to leave the pigs to their own foolishness."
Which is fine, but not what I am going for. I need something more poetic, more cutting. I ended up with "Sues stultitiae suae relinquamus" with is "Let us leave the swine to their own folly."
Which is a lot closer, and it gave me other options as well. I am not like a huge AI person, but it is a cool tool as long as you cross reference. Sorry that it was a lot!
Thank you! That’s helpful!
One of the better ways to use Chat for sure!
Haha!
Yeah, Google Translate misses declension specifics and word arrangements quite often. I wish I had a better tool or resource to recommend, but there are very few I have come across that are accurate. Of course, all of that is technical stuff, I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you plan to use Latin frequently, or if you plan to one day publish.
Also, I want to see more character specifics and patterns for Alban! (please)
I’ve gotten a few comments about albans lack of personality… need to work on it becuase I do have a specific vision in my head that just isn’t translating (lol)
It's not a total lack, for sure, but I am so excited to see him take more shape as you find a way to portray him!
I tried a few phrases with ChatGPT and it seemed to do better. It explained the translations and had a few suggestions on more classical phrasing.
itt was the place to be
-typo
Oh dang good catch! Thank you!!
What a fantastic ending holy shit. And the real world history sprinkled in here is great. Everything feels precise, it’s really picking up
🥹
Alban is not helping Gillian deflect.
I appreciate the adjustment to Alban’s volume. Before he boomed into the chapter and made me jump 😂.
Hahaha stupid eleven labs
I can't wait to see what the vampire king is like heh.
Hehehe thank you, I hope you got your answers! (And sorry for the ridiculous delay in replying 😅)
Hah! Yeah! 🤣 He's despicable, at least from what I've read so far!
I love the idea of Roman HQ at the honey cake shop
Thank you! That’s one of my favorite little lines :)
both alban and philomena seem like such interesting characters and i really want to know more about them! (especially that whole alice backstory... i'm SO intrigued) and just a suggestion, but maybe you could also add in some flashbacks to gillian's past? the vampire king sounds evil from all the stories they tell amongst themselves, but he feels like such a faraway person, you know? maybe you could take us into gillian's memories and *show* us his wickedness?
but again! just a thought. i'm still completely in love with the story as is <3
thanks so much for your feedback!! I actually just wrote a little flash back in chapter 11, but it might be worth adding in some details earlier. I'm trying to balance cozy vibes with the horrors of this guy everyone is scared of lol.. i'll be thinking about your feedback! thanks!
I just adore your writing so much!!
Thank you Devyn 🥹