Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Asteria Geisterblum's avatar

WHAT THE HELL NO NOT NOW, HAPPY?! I'm screaming! That's the meanest cliffhanger I have come by in- I don't know! So long!

We talked about you wanting more spice but we haven't talked where you want the spice: in your comments or in the chat? Let me know.

For the rest, just a few thoughts (but know that I am bouncing, clasping my fingers, I jumped up from my chair and walked around the table TWICE because I was so taken aback by the cliffhanger)

- Gillian's feel for time threw me off a little because if she knows when the train is leaving, she probably also knows how much time they might have to do shopping

- emotional depth; once you get to edit things, make sure that tough moments appear tough. When he talked about the cruelty of the kids, you had a huge field of emotional levers to pull and switch, whirling the reader up a little. Such things bond the reader closer to the character, but honestly, that's something very well for a second draft and not necessary for a first draft. Just a thought

- I got a little confused if Al went with them. Like, he was there at the chapter, but I assumed he's also there on the train until I realized that he isn't in the cab with them. I'm not sure I overread his goodbye but it's obviously a possibility this is on me, haha

This chapter, as all the others, were an absolute fun read, just to make this crystal clear again. I enjoy this so much, I get the giggles when I get the notification that you posted another piece. I'm looking forward to more moments between them now which reminds me: I LOVED how you did them touching on the train and what happened when they did and how Jack reacted when she took her hand away.

Expand full comment
Andrew Taylor's avatar

WAIT BUT WHO SAID THAT NO FAIR

really enjoying this, it just keeps getting better!

Expand full comment
30 more comments...

No posts