I won't lie, you had me hooked from the first line. I love fantasy and cozy is such a vibe (now I sound like a teenager, alas can't hide from the truth). I am super psyched to see this progress, I think feedback on plot points and flow will be easier once I have more to go off of. From what I have read, I don't have any notes. The pacing was great, the banter was cute and believable, and the world is effortlessly easy to jump into. Both Gillian and Jack are so easy to like, and you do a good job of showcasing their personalities without over explaining (as someone who is a little too wordy at times, I respect this). All in all, keep it up, please. I want to read it all lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment 😭 it means so much to me! I will be posting more chapters soon, although not within 5 minutes of you asking like you did for me 😂 thank you!! 💚💚
Love a good cozy fantasy and the premise of this one. I also love the 1st line. I'm curious about what the narrator is, since she's not human. In the 1st chapter, you want to establish time, place, character and genre. I think all of that is accomplished here, except maybe the time. I think it's modern time, but I would maybe look at adding some queues to establish the time period. The paragraph where you talk about when it was founded might be a good place to add something. I may have missed something though. I thought the voice was great and I enjoyed the chapter. Curious for more. Well done!
Thanks so much for the feedback! Yes, it is modern times and I’m not sure I ever really mention it until maybe chapter 5 or so 😳 I’ll be sure to find a way to get it in there earlier. Thanks!
I'm about ready to fall back asleep, so I'll have to come back to this, but I'll comment on the first line. First, it's killer. Second, it's a comma slice, which distracts from its brilliance. You can turn into to sentences or give the verb in the second clause an -ing ending.
Thanks so much! No, it’s from elevenlabs. Supposedly they pay real voice actors to train their AI. Each voice has a little voice intro from the actor, and some are really silly so I am inclined to believe that they are real people!
Are you SURE this is a work in progress? Because it honest to goodness reads much better than many PUBLISHED books i've read! Just one chapter in and I'm already so invested!!!!! Cannot wait to read further!
Without knowing specifically what you're looking for or what writing stage this is, if I get through more than three paragraphs without triggering my editing instincts, the writing is exemplary. (Meaning, I think it is.) Were it my piece, and it's not, I might tweak the syntactic/expository arrangement at the beginning, but that's it. I loved it. Fluid, quippy and steady.
Wow! This IS SPECIAL. I’ve been seeing it around and I’m glad to finally get to it. Damn is it bursting in comedic flow and a pace that kills. With just enough intrigue and worldbuilding to immerse you right inside of The Beanstalk Cafe. Lovely shit.
I love this, I was instantly hooked. I do have one question though:
The cafe was a safe haven for all magical creatures, a place where these beings could exist in their true forms without fear of discovery.
Since they are not cloaked inside the cafe, is Jack able to see them in their true form? Or, is he so engulfed in his research that he is not noticing that this isn't a *regular* cafe? There might be more info on this in the next chapter and I'm excited to read! <3
I’ve been struggling with how to convey this from Gillian’s point of view. He was meant to be too focused on his research to notice anyone else, and I also chose banshees as the only other guests since they look mostly like normal humans. I’ll have to think more about how to clarify why he isn’t freaking out lol
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. If you have any other feedback along the way, please don’t hesitate! My feelings are here to be hurt 😂
Thank you for taking the time to read 💚 I am here for feedback to become a better writer so please give me your open and honest thoughts.
I won't lie, you had me hooked from the first line. I love fantasy and cozy is such a vibe (now I sound like a teenager, alas can't hide from the truth). I am super psyched to see this progress, I think feedback on plot points and flow will be easier once I have more to go off of. From what I have read, I don't have any notes. The pacing was great, the banter was cute and believable, and the world is effortlessly easy to jump into. Both Gillian and Jack are so easy to like, and you do a good job of showcasing their personalities without over explaining (as someone who is a little too wordy at times, I respect this). All in all, keep it up, please. I want to read it all lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment 😭 it means so much to me! I will be posting more chapters soon, although not within 5 minutes of you asking like you did for me 😂 thank you!! 💚💚
Of course! I mean I was planning on posting Monday, but I was all what the heck why not.
You are talented, keep it up!
Thank you! Same to you!!
Love a good cozy fantasy and the premise of this one. I also love the 1st line. I'm curious about what the narrator is, since she's not human. In the 1st chapter, you want to establish time, place, character and genre. I think all of that is accomplished here, except maybe the time. I think it's modern time, but I would maybe look at adding some queues to establish the time period. The paragraph where you talk about when it was founded might be a good place to add something. I may have missed something though. I thought the voice was great and I enjoyed the chapter. Curious for more. Well done!
Thanks so much for the feedback! Yes, it is modern times and I’m not sure I ever really mention it until maybe chapter 5 or so 😳 I’ll be sure to find a way to get it in there earlier. Thanks!
You could do something simple like have someone in the cafe check a phone or something. It doesn’t have to be a big announcement. Anyway, nice job.
Oo great tip. Thank you!!
Great opening chapter. I'm intrigued.
Thank you! 💚
Great read. It has this cozy fantasy vibe feel, but with intrigue because of the runes and the presence of the human despite the wards.
I loved the distant relative of greenfoot anecdote as the opening and all the questions raised here work really well.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it!
Great title and intriguing setup. Exactly my cup of tea...runes, backroom, and all.
Cup of tea— I see what you did there 😏🫖
Thank you for reading and commenting! So glad you like it so far! 💚
I'm about ready to fall back asleep, so I'll have to come back to this, but I'll comment on the first line. First, it's killer. Second, it's a comma slice, which distracts from its brilliance. You can turn into to sentences or give the verb in the second clause an -ing ending.
Thank you!! The line has been bothering me for a while but I couldn’t put my finger on it!
I’ve been wanting to dig in on this book for a while and I am instantly captivated. Can’t wait to binge my way through and get caught up!
Thanks so much! Im sure it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I appreciate you taking the time! 💚
Always open to feedback on how to improve!
Oh no, it is my cup of tea and I don’t want to live in a world where this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It’s magic.
🥹🥹
I love this, it’s just delightful! Congratulations.
I’m so curious about your audio - did you hire voiceover artists? It’s fantastic.
Thanks so much! No, it’s from elevenlabs. Supposedly they pay real voice actors to train their AI. Each voice has a little voice intro from the actor, and some are really silly so I am inclined to believe that they are real people!
Interesting, thank you!
I came here from a recommendation. Can’t wait to read your book!
Thanks! I hope you like it but I’m open to any feedback you have! 💚
Are you SURE this is a work in progress? Because it honest to goodness reads much better than many PUBLISHED books i've read! Just one chapter in and I'm already so invested!!!!! Cannot wait to read further!
Ahh this is the nicest thing ever! Thank you 😭😭
Without knowing specifically what you're looking for or what writing stage this is, if I get through more than three paragraphs without triggering my editing instincts, the writing is exemplary. (Meaning, I think it is.) Were it my piece, and it's not, I might tweak the syntactic/expository arrangement at the beginning, but that's it. I loved it. Fluid, quippy and steady.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and your comments! 🥹 you’re a good bot 🐘
This is delightful and I am ALL IN!!!
Thank you so much! If you have any feedback or suggestions to make it better, I’m always open!
Oh, we’re going to be great friends indeed! I love your work so far! 🤩
Thanks so much for taking the time to read! 🥰
Of course! Very engaging. Give me a nerdy human scientist in a mythical beast cafe any day of the week :3
Heheheh
Wow! This IS SPECIAL. I’ve been seeing it around and I’m glad to finally get to it. Damn is it bursting in comedic flow and a pace that kills. With just enough intrigue and worldbuilding to immerse you right inside of The Beanstalk Cafe. Lovely shit.
Ahhhh thank you so much 😭 you are too kind
I love this, I was instantly hooked. I do have one question though:
The cafe was a safe haven for all magical creatures, a place where these beings could exist in their true forms without fear of discovery.
Since they are not cloaked inside the cafe, is Jack able to see them in their true form? Or, is he so engulfed in his research that he is not noticing that this isn't a *regular* cafe? There might be more info on this in the next chapter and I'm excited to read! <3
I’ve been struggling with how to convey this from Gillian’s point of view. He was meant to be too focused on his research to notice anyone else, and I also chose banshees as the only other guests since they look mostly like normal humans. I’ll have to think more about how to clarify why he isn’t freaking out lol
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. If you have any other feedback along the way, please don’t hesitate! My feelings are here to be hurt 😂